The Parable of the Lost Striker

KEANO!!! This one's for you.

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"There was a club who had four strikers. The Irish one said to his manager, 'Manager, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his gate receipts between them.

"Not long after that, the Irish striker got together all he had, set off for a distant part of the country and there squandered his wealth of talent in rotational living. After he had spent all his energy, there was a severe goal famine in that distant part of the country, and he began to be in need. So he went and pleaded himself out to his manager of that town, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the goals that the pigs were getting, but no one gave him anything.

"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my old team's hired men have minutes to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to the current manager and say to him: Manager, I have sinned against the club and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your striker; make me like one of your mish-mashed men.' So he got up and went to the new manager.

"But while he was still a long way off, the manager saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his striker, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The striker said to the manager, 'Manager, I have sinned against the club and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your striker.'

"But the manager said to his servant Bent, 'Quick! Bring the best kit and put it on him. Put the captain's ring on his arm and boots on his feet. Bring the fattened calf Huddlestone and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this striker of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

"Meanwhile, the injured, English striker was walking on the field. When he came near the clubhouse, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the ball boys and asked him what was going on. 'Your teammate has come,' he replied, 'and your manager has killed the fattened calf Huddlestone because he has him back safe and sound.'

"The injured, English striker became angry and refused to go in. So his manager went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his manager, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a pint so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this striker of yours who has squandered your tactics with scousers comes home, you kill the fattened calf Huddlestone for him!'

'My striker,' the manager said, 'you are always with me, and everything on the bench I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this former teammate of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "

Super Sunday

Today is Super Sunday, the biggest day in sports in America, and I've got football on my mind. The interesting twist is that I'm talking about the kind of football where people actually use their feet to kick a small round ball.

Instead of heading over to watch the Superbowl at a friend's house with 50 (that's right, 50) other people, I decided to stay at home and watch it on a 50 inch plasma instead. So I swapped a person for an inch on my television - sue me. Actually, I'm not feeling that great and I preferred the surround sound to come from the television instead of other people and their little children.

Anyway, as the Steelers and Cardinals come out on the field, I've got this nagging feeling that Tottenham could go down this year. I know I've said it before, but this time I actually did a little research. I took the teams that are in the bottom 10 places in the league and listed out the remaining 14 games (about 1/3 of the season) for each in an attempt to predict where teams will finish at the end of the year. I took 2 different approaches, and both of them have some serious shortcomings. However, short of me predicting what will happen in 141 games (14 * 10 plus Blackburn's 1 game in hand), this is the best way I could think to do it.

Approach #1

I used current position in the table and previous head to head result. To simplify it, if the team in question is playing a worse team (position in the table) and in the first meeting beat that team, then I gave them 3 points for a win in the upcoming game. The reverse is true too. If the team in question is playing a better team (per their position in the table) and previously lost to that team, then I gave them 0 points for the loss in the upcoming game. There were various situations that resulted in giving the team in question 1 point for a draw...such as tied on points and the first game was a draw, or if they previously beat a better team or lost to a worse team (i.e. inconsistencies in the position versus previous result). If the previous meeting ended in a draw, the 3 points would go to the better team in the table. If the teams were tied on points in the table, the 3 points would be awarded based on the result in the first meeting. I know it sounds a bit confusing, but I got it all sorted out in my head.

Approach #2

I used past results to predict future results. So, if a team in question beat a future opponent in the past, the assumption is that they will beat them again (or draw or lose). The only drawback to this approach is that each previous game was either played home or away and that will flip when they meet a second time (i.e. each team plays each other team home and away). Also, this doesn't take into account current form.

Results #1

16. Tottenham - 32 pts
17. Stoke City - 32 pts
18. Blackburn - 29 pts (relegated)
19. Boro - 27 pts (relegated)
20. West Brom - 26 pts (relegated)

Results #2

16. Tottenham - 39 pts
17. Sunderland - 38 pts
18. Boro - 38 pts (relegated)
19. West Brom - 37 pts (relegated)
20. Blackburn - 34 pts (relegated)

So, depsite the obvious shortcomings, the results bascially confirm why I'm worried. If everything stays status quo, obviously the teams currently in the bottom will stay in the bottom. However, some of the other teams level on points with Spurs (Newcastle, Portsmouth) climb the table while Spurs remain in the bottom. As you can see, there isn't any room for error. Good thing the games aren't played in paper.

Tottenham 2 - 3 Bolton

Those no talent ___ clowns did it again! We can never beat these guys at the own place.

In typical Spurs fashion, they love to get your hopes up just to squash them. I've watched them play enough to know what to expect after the first 5 - 10 minutes of play. Today was no exception, and after a few minutes played I knew we were going to lose or at most get a draw. I watched Spurs fall behind 0-2 and couldn't take it any more. I changed the channel to the Villa game (which was much more exciting).

Literally five minutes later I returned to the office and saw that Spurs had scored 2 goals in 2 minutes to level the score. Excited, I turned the game back hoping to see Tottenham, who obviously had the momentum, possibly get the draw or even steal a winner. Of course, as soon as they had raised my hopes they gave up another goal on a set piece. Being only 1 goal down I was forced to watch it to the end and see us lose again. The thing that frustrates me is that before this game Bolton had averaged only about .75 goals a game at home...we gave up 3.

We play our arch-rivals next, "Woolrich Wanderers". I don't expect much from that game. However, if we don't get some serious pointage in the 3-4 games following the derby, we're in SERIOUS trouble. We can't be down at the bottom with 5 games to go because our schedule is too difficult.

To add insult to injury, the recent return of Defoe has been put on hold. Of course, he's scored some great goals since returning but broke a bone in his foot in TRAINING yesterday. I hear Keane might be available. Keane used to play for Leeds, which is ironic because we could become the next Leeds if we get relegated.

The StrengthWheel

The Coach, inventor of The Original PaceWheel, has come out with his latest innovation called the StrengthWheel. The StrengthWheel is a simple, circular calculator that takes the guesswork out of establishing training loads in the weight room. A small investment in the StrengthWheel will pay huge dividends in increased fitness while saving you time planning your workouts:

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Tottenham 3 - 1 Stoke City

Talk about a huge victory! In what both sides were calling a "must win game", Spurs dominated all aspects and most importantly, the scoreboard. Although the season is still far from over, tonight we put some distance between ourselves and at least one other candidate for relegation in Stoke.

It's been a long time since I've been impressed with the way Spurs have played, but tonight they put on a clinic in the first half. The movement on and off the ball was spectacular. After 24 minutes we were already up 3-0! If you didn't know what was going on in the league you would have thought Tottenham were challenging for the title. Things settled down in the second half and Stoke got one back, but Spurs thoroughly outclassed them in the end.

Modric had a huge game. He essentially setup 2 of the 3 goals. He was by far the player of the game for us. Quite honestly though, when I look at the game everyone played well including Cudicini, our newest signing from Chelsea. Hopefully this is the beginning of a run that will steer us clear from danger. If we continue the form we showed tonight in the league, we could potentially win 4 out of the next 5 league matches (the schedule is very favorable in the short-term) and be all but a few points away from safety with 10 matches to go.

Cardboard Box Fun

Why play with anything else when there's a box around? At first Julia wanted to push it, but then we put her inside it and took it for a spin. She loved it.

It's pretty simple really...in a child's mind, a cardboard box = hours of entertainment.

More Power!!!

I've been talking about buying one for awhile now...and I finally have one! Check this out: $100 at Home Depot. It's a 10 inch, 14 amp, Ryobi. I read some reviews and you can't beat this "bang for the buck". It's big enough to cut a 4 x 4, and I had a hard time coming up with something larger I'd need a mitre saw to cut. At any rate, I can burn through 3 of these bad boys for the same cost as a nicer one. Next up...crown molding throughout the entire house!

I used its "frickin laser beam" to make my first successful cuts (below). One would think that the builders would have centered the outlet...but I guess not. I was able to move it over enough though. In case you're wondering, yes, I'm very proud of myself.

Choking the Chicken

The mighty cockerels almost choked last night…hence the highly distasteful (yet creatively funny) topic title.

"With five minutes to go it was looking like the most embarrassing night of my life in football," said Harry Redknapp, Tottenham’s manager. Long story short, we began last night’s Carling Cup semi-final second-leg game with a seemingly insurmountable 3 goal lead against lower-division Burnley. Due to injuries and a large lead, many backups and youngsters started the game. Most notably, our young goalie Alnwick got his first start in a Tottenham jersey.

Sheltie and I turned on the game, and settled in for a comfortable 90 minutes of “running out the clock”. Unfortunately, it was a cold, rainy, and muddy night away from home…and on a pitch that looked like it doubled as a prairie dog sanctuary. I then realized that my DVR had recorded the game for a puzzling 3 hours. A sudden sense of dread filled me. Why would this game be recorded for 3 hours unless it went to extra time and/or penalty kicks?

About 30 minutes in we gave up a free kick about 25 yards out. Our young goalie, literally swimming in his over-sized wet jersey, strategically positioned himself on the far side of the goal leaving a gaping hole. The only thing he didn’t do was put up a sign and an arrow that said “shoot it here”. The bending free kick went in the open goal, and all Alnwick could do was flap his arms wildly in the air as if demonstrating why humans can’t fly.

Stacey later joined us, and so I unwisely opened my mouth and said the one thing you never want to say while watching sports: “if Burnley score again…” Of course, shortly thereafter, the “comment curse” delivered and they scored again. My heart sank because I knew that if they scored one more goal they would knock us out on a tie-breaker.

With 2 minutes left in the game our keeper, in very much “Robinson-esque” way, dropped a cross after colliding with two of our own defenders. Result: goal. The referee blew the whistle to end regular time. As things currently stood, we had to score in extra-time or be eliminated in a humiliating way on par with our “3 goal halftime lead only to lose 4-3 to Man City debacle in the past”.

Actually, Harry, it was 2 minutes to go on the clock. After a few neat, one-touch passes, “Pav” knocked home a centering pass from the wing which deflected off of the goalie’s glove and into the net, saving “massive face” for everyone associated with the club (fans included). There’s never a dull moment with this club… At least now we’ll get pummeled in the final by a better team (United), instead of adding more misery to an already dire season. Then again, that’s what we thought about the final last year and we actually pulled off the win.

403...Represent!

I'm coming up on my 2 year mark at work in 2 months...yes, it's very exciting. The exciting part about the 2 year mark is that I will now qualify for 3% employer matching on contributions to a 403b retirement account. In simple terms, I can contribute as much as I want to the plan through an automatic payroll deduction and Focus will match, dollar for dollar, up to 3% of my annual salary.

I've been talking to a fellow co-worker (and a fellow veteran) in the office that has been doing this for a few years. Apparently, your cash fund (portfolio money fund - where your deposits go before you tell them where to invest it) guarantees 3% a year to keep up with inflation.

So let me get this straight...if I contribute (save) $1,000 a year to this plan, Focus will pay me an additional $1,000 and this fund will pay me an additional $30, guaranteed? That's a 103% return on my money with ZERO market risk...even if I just save and don't invest it. That's as close to free money as you can get. This is a no brainer people.

Doggone!

Naming a dog is hard. I spent all afternoon at work scouring the internet for a good name to call Quincey. I just can't see myself yelling "Quincey" across the park this summer. So, here's my list. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them...I need help.

In alphabetical order:

- Chase (he's a sheepdog, after all)
- Chester (Disney's "The Kid" - he dreams of owning a dog named Chester)
- Gizmo (he has the same colorings as this character from Gremlins)
- Shadow (he follows me around everywhere)

If you like any of those choices, let me know. Or better yet, give me some of your own ideas...